Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
