You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
