He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
