He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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