just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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