i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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