Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
