and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
