your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
