I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
