I CAN MOONWALK!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she looked like the before picture.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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