kristin has been a bad kristin
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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