So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
They are going to name an STD after you.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
