There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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