apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
