I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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