So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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