***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
