you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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