I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
