why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
