just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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