After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
