remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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