Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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