I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She bit a glass in half.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
