found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
