im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Come see our sink grown plant.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
