She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
