Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
