When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
