Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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