one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
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I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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