how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
