Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
