i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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