we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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