Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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