I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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