So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
