the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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