I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize