Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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