Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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