The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
