Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
