You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
