they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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