You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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