I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
