It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
