Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
