I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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