this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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