Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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