I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
