Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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