just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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