I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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