I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
