sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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