I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
