So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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