mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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