Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
