Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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