Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
