Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
