I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
