What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
