our cab driver is having phone sex.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
