i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
