Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
