is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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