I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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