Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
