Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
