So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
