Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
